urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm sean leonard harrison sean leonard harrison 2009-12-24T21:55:30Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:81362 2009-12-24T21:55:30Z 2009-12-24T21:55:30Z my heart aches for you,<br /><br />and all i can think is of you.<br /><br />but...<br /><br />but...<br /><br />but...<br /><br /><br />do i live this a lie?<br /><br />what is this love anymore and anyway?<br /><br />how can i love and not be able to?<br /><br />and how can i love and be faltered?<br /><br />do you even know me?<br /><br />do you even know who i am?<br /><br />is it love you just seek?<br /><br />a simple feeling?<br /><br />or really me?<br /><br />well this has been going on in my head over and over.<br /><br />because and just because.<br /><br />i feel like i'm the only damn one who goes out there to actually meet and know people.<br /><br />not that it's obligatory, i love it...<br /><br />what i've always loved... hence music.<br /><br />my first true love has come into my head again as a passing memory again.<br /><br />i thought, and i knew, i still love her, for who she is and who she will ever be.<br /><br />a person passing in my life.<br /><br />i'm not scared of anything.<br /><br />i just save my love for someone, someone really special i guess.<br /><br />that's the way it goes.<br /><br />i don't love everyone,<br /><br />although i do.<br /><br />there are really beautiful people i keep to my heart.<br /><br /><br />if you can see me,<br /><br />my heart is open.<br /><br />don't worry either...<br /><br />i've always bothered about you.<br /><br />love is a strange thing.<br /><br />cause really, what is it?<br /><br />i just like to show it.<br /><br />if there wasn't love at all.<br /><br />we'd be climbing mountains to realize it was just all meaningless... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:80902 2009-12-23T23:04:32Z 2009-12-23T23:04:32Z this is the only place where i can express myself huh?<br /><br />well take all of this in...<br /><br />that the fact i may fall in love...<br /><br />though i shall not.<br /><br />because if i do i may think i'll be in trouble...<br /><br />nah seriously.<br /><br /><br />help me with shit hahaha.<br /><br />i may just pretending choose whatever.<br /><br />it's sad that whoever esp francis and mel reads me stuff,<br /><br />honestly i'd be begging for weeed every day but i dont...<br /><br />now wit what ive found...<br /><br />please dont fuck me up.<br /><br />though because love to me is such a...<br /><br />what tell me again.<br /><br />i believe in it...<br />ohhh nooooo..........<br />hahahaha urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:80752 2009-12-23T14:23:15Z 2009-12-23T14:23:15Z alcohol overload which is not good.<br /><br />need to jog and gym.<br /><br />ohhhh why?<br /><br />damn christmas season.<br /><br /><br /><br />well time to have some smasshing insane crazy psycho mad sick killer twarting mind numbing sneezing foo fighter jizztastic peanut remember-able but forgettable in that sense kinda fun. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:80515 2009-12-10T00:18:37Z 2009-12-10T00:18:37Z speak to the mind and body...<br /><br />a good song does... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:80285 2009-12-09T22:11:38Z 2009-12-09T22:11:38Z imma just gonna say...<br /><br />i'm tired of people with no direction or hope for anything...<br /><br />i'm tired of people who do not have a strive and hunger for life.<br /><br />i'm tired of real crap like this shit.<br /><br />when there is so so so much awesomeness and things that are happening or waiting to happen.<br /><br />don't you people get it?<br /><br />the world is waiting for us!<br /><br />people like us!<br /><br />to do something...<br /><br />so why wait right?<br /><br />do,<br /><br />now, now, nowwwww...<br /><br />it can only be done right now...<br /><br />waiting is for the dreamless,<br /><br />for the people who waste their precious years.<br /><br /><br />my gosh, i am so so happy that all this shit happened in my life,<br /><br />that i touched the other side of doing shit... absolute shit.<br /><br />so now i can enter the arena of the hungry and decisive...<br /><br />we can do it and yes we can!<br /><br />it takes the belief in yourself and other people.<br /><br />don't bullshit...<br /><br />and screw around doing jack shit to get over with school/work/crap.<br /><br />because at the end of it...<br /><br />what?<br /><br />what's gonna happen?<br /><br />somebody's gonna drop you a pot of gold rainbows and dreams?<br /><br />no, fuck you!<br /><br /><br />nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:79719 2009-12-08T18:37:23Z 2009-12-08T18:37:23Z now...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />have you ever thought...<br /><br />that all of this...?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />all of this?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />it was just a little dream we were all dreaming?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />that there is a bigger world out there?<br /><br /><br /><br />come on beings, lives, individuals... let's run and run till we can't stop,<br /><br />bacause there's no point in stopping anyway...<br /><br /><br />this is the breakline a presume...<br /><br />the end of the chill, the end of the break.<br /><br />the start of life.<br /><br />the start of things to come... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:79614 2009-12-07T08:44:36Z 2009-12-07T08:47:57Z you know i sometimes think it's quite crazy how we all write in these blogs,<br /><br />online diaries...<br /><br />not a bad thing: just crazy...<br /><br />i miss so many people in my life, who at this point i don't think i know anymore...<br /><br />what ever happened to the best times of our lives?<br /><br />i guess everything now has been awesome as well,<br /><br />just it's about time i start planning just slightly more than leaving things to fate.<br /><br />you know fate fate fate...<br /><br />i'm not sure it comes around too much or if it seriously exists...<br /><br />maybe?<br /><br />maybe not.<br /><br />though right now,<br /><br />it's the winding road,<br /><br />a scrap book to tick off all the things i've done,<br /><br />and my heart that beats "i am the walrus".<br /><br />i'm taking us to the moon honey! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:79193 2009-11-28T21:43:24Z 2009-11-28T21:43:24Z the line between creation and destruction is very thin...<br /><br />i've got to accept the fact i may not produce brilliant pieces of work all the time...<br /><br />that it's alright to fall and fail sometimes,<br /><br />to be a student rather than lead myself always in sheer ignorance.<br /><br />sometimes i feel like i'm going somewhere but no where.<br /><br />though i have to stop it.<br /><br />and geez i can't stand sleaze or sleazy people.<br /><br />physical is one thing.<br /><br />though it's more deprivation and alpha dominance conciousness that i'm just "blah" (don't give a damn) and somehow growing to just resent.<br /><br /><br />i'm damn bloody bored.<br /><br />i needa come up with something exciting in my life now and do it.. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:78959 2009-10-27T03:51:54Z 2009-10-27T03:51:54Z <lj-embed id="80" /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:78782 2009-10-26T19:57:02Z 2009-10-26T19:57:02Z the only person that can help myself is myself.<br /><br />i'm gonna stride in my light.<br /><br />i've always seen myself that way.<br /><br />forget the past.<br /><br />it does not exist anymore. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:78345 2009-10-26T19:30:54Z 2009-10-26T19:30:54Z two days ago i messsed up.<br /><br />though it's getting quite frustrating and confusing.<br /><br />i've been getting violent when i get drunk.<br /><br />it's not drunk where i'm concious, it's total black out.<br /><br />i have no recollection what so ever.<br /><br />if no one told me, i wouldn't believe.<br /><br />plus what i become when i black out is the complete opposite of my usual self.<br /><br />so in that case i want to say i that i'm absolutely sorry for everything,<br /><br />though i did not do anything at all intentionally,<br /> <br />neither did i intend to get drunk.<br /><br />well that's where i messed up.<br /><br />.............................<br /><br />well the shadow has been popping up lately in my cards.<br /><br />so that's a clue.<br /><br />the shadow is focusing on the dark,<br /><br />where we also use that to avoid the light.<br /><br />maybe that's it.<br /><br />the point is i can't stand drama and all this crap,<br /><br />obviously my other side does,<br /><br />though yeah...<br /><br />sigh.<br /><br />sometimes i'm just asking the universe and god "why me?"<br /><br />if you tell me to control myself, i would if i could you know what i mean?<br /><br />i really wouldn't think of hurting anyone.<br /><br />it's not like i believe it myself, it just happens.<br /><br />anyway, i'm changing my out look and my whole lifestyle completely,<br /><br />i need to find some sort of peace.<br /><br />i've had enough of drama.<br /><br />staying away from alcohol and my whole outlook on it,<br /><br />anyway hey, alcohol is a drug anyway, it shouldn't be abused or used as a form of release. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:78162 2009-10-15T20:30:23Z 2009-10-15T20:30:23Z <lj-embed id="78" /><br /><br /><lj-embed id="79" /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:77914 2009-10-15T20:26:15Z 2009-10-15T20:27:44Z the belief that being a musician is unattractive and tough in the long run is bullllshitss...<br /><br />i've got all these beliefs and shit in my mind,<br /><br />you know sometimes i forget why i choose to take big jumps into my music.<br /><br />though i know again,<br /><br />just why...<br /><br />freedom, mental freedom and to really live.<br /><br />though i've had a little taste of singapore's scene(which sucks donkey balls so far)<br /><br />or i think???<br /><br />maybe i haven't been getting out and onto stages enough?<br /><br />well... the problemo with selling out is that after that, it's mightyly retarded to a point.<br /><br />everyones going like, hey you gotta make dough...<br /><br />ppl's mind sets in the music scene here are just kinda strange.<br /><br />go on stage to wank off???<br /><br />i don't know.<br /><br />it's just this big wank off competition out there.<br /><br />you know?<br /><br />entertain the fucking crowd...<br /><br />though what i want to do really,<br /><br />is to show the crowd something.<br /><br />show them another world and absorb them into it.<br /><br />different, very different.<br /><br />i vant to write, provoke and encourage,<br /><br />not suck cock and lick fucking balls. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:77738 2009-10-14T21:48:13Z 2009-10-14T21:49:12Z i think the world is full of shit...<br /><br />if you think guys are full of shit...<br /><br />then women are full of shit...<br /><br />stadard lah.<br /><br />i don't have to fight for myself,<br /><br />i dont care... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:77531 2009-10-14T21:32:51Z 2009-10-14T21:32:51Z i want you to understand that anyone else who plays beautiful music, is retarded...<br /><br />and i will prove that to you...<br /><br />no prob...<br /><br />well that's not the prob,<br /><br />the prob is,<br /><br />getting a girl to belive i do what i do...<br /><br />then again...<br /><br />music = no soul partner...<br /><br />no prob,<br /><br />i just hope your banker husband is interesting,<br /><br />besisides the stocks... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:77178 2009-10-13T23:49:25Z 2009-10-13T23:54:30Z <lj-embed id="77" /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:76967 2009-10-13T23:47:09Z 2009-10-13T23:55:43Z fuck you...<br /><br />sigh...<br /><br />i love that phrase...<br /><br />:)<br /><br />heart... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:76554 2009-10-10T06:01:56Z 2009-10-10T23:31:34Z don't be fooled and entertain the mirage of an image,<br /><br />slit open it's seemingly thick,&nbsp; though thin silhouette,<br /><br /> and go straight to the heart,<br /><br />though the heart is like a cat,<br /><br />ever staying and fleeing,<br /><br />and don't even bother to catch a cat if you know anything,<br /><br />just be as beautiful as anything and call out to it softly,<br /><br /><strike>connect, to it's being. look into it's eyes, and be sincere.<br /><br />and throw away the whole thing if you feel,<br /></strike><br />for to tame the cat,<br /><br />you must gain it's trust,<br /><br />it's just simply one being connecting to another being,<br /><br />just simply connecting without anything else,<br /><br />for nothing at all,<br /><br />to just connect,<br /><br />which is why we must learn as well...<br /><br />birds are meant to be free,<br /><br />and i know this,<br /><br />for i have wings too...<br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:76537 2009-10-10T05:45:53Z 2009-10-10T05:45:53Z i'm just too bored to carry on the way i live life right now,<br /><br />i like to learn about people,<br /><br />though today i was dissapointed by myself,<br /><br />though that doesn't matter,<br /><br />i guess i want to start steering my life again,<br /><br />and not leave it up to what's happening around me,<br /><br />cause i can honestly say that i'm not excited by all that is,<br /><br />it just sucks lah...<br /><br />though i'm happy i did the whole club mad and party thing,<br /><br />cause once upon a time,<br /><br />i'd be embarrassed to talk about it,<br /><br />cause i never even tried once upon a time...<br /><br />made great friends,<br /><br />i'm still gonna club mad,<br /><br />though now not as frequent maybe?<br /><br />i wanna focus on more important things,<br /><br />and more important people,<br /><br />i wanna be independent and totally grounded again...<br /><br />i've been very quiet recently...<br /><br />i need the silence,<br /><br />just that everyone, even my best friends wanna party now,<br /><br />ever since i went into the whole thing, hahah! crazy...<br /><br />when the thing is...<br /><br />the only reason i partied and went mad,<br /><br />was because i was frustrated,<br /><br />and wanted to prove a point,<br /><br />not because i actually gave a care.<br /><br />because i really don't...<br /><br />i don't know,<br /><br />i just need to deal with me and love me again,<br /><br />i'm tired of giving out fake smiles,<br /><br />i'm tired altogether,<br /><br />i smile,<br /><br />though...<br /><br />i really just don't know,<br /><br />and i don't want anyone to come in,<br /><br />i just want to be alone.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />i've always wanted to say this... heh <br /><br /><br />behind the smile is everything you will never understand... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:76123 2009-10-01T21:25:24Z 2009-10-01T21:25:24Z <lj-embed id="76" /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:76005 2009-10-01T03:34:00Z 2009-10-01T04:06:05Z we're all like little animals,<br /><br />we silently observe each other,<br /><br />in the back of our minds,<br /><br />and we have this feeling in our chest,<br /><br />do we stay or do we flee? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:75700 2009-09-30T09:24:07Z 2009-09-30T09:24:07Z don't sit and wonder why the world is so small...<br /><br />don't ever look at the sky and see it's vastness,<br /><br />don't look at me and see a boy holding his life in his hands,<br /><br />don't ever be afraid to run towards the ocean and dive into it's ever growing depth,<br /><br />get lost in your intricate dreams of lies,<br /><br /><br /><br />i venture out in the world to be understood,<br /><br />i don't quite understand myself,<br /><br />i just see this vacant stare in the mirror,<br /><br />i collect earth from the ground,<br /><br />and all it is, is dirt,<br /><br />this coin,<br /><br />it's just a piece of metal.<br /><br />so be carried away in the wind,<br /><br />and be led into the unknown,<br /><br />for we do, we have dreams,<br /><br />though we never know,<br /><br />till we actually do it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:75270 2009-09-30T08:36:32Z 2009-10-01T04:07:22Z life isn't about the hardships, the tears and the sorrow.<br /><br />it's about in spite of all the pain,<br /><br />we keep pushing on no matter what,<br /><br />because somehow it's worth it,<br /><br />because of our dreams,<br /><br />and the people we love. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:74764 2009-09-26T00:06:24Z 2009-09-26T00:06:24Z kiss me... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:itsinurpalm:74665 2009-09-23T21:02:08Z 2009-09-23T21:02:08Z it is time to deliver my message,<br /><br />to do what i was always meant to do,<br /><br />put the poor souls in front of me,<br /><br />to love the world,<br /><br />for love is so strong,<br /><br />i may live in this country,<br /><br />people are confused, hurt and scared,<br /><br />even though we are all so lucky and well to do than half the world,<br /><br />we know, and we forget, we want to believe the world revolves around ourselves,<br /><br />when it really doesn't,<br /><br />life flows within you and without you.<br /><br />hold out your arms to your neighbor and love, reassure,<br /><br />there are people out there who suffer such a great deal, in a world that is slowly dying.<br /><br />i know i have been lost in my own world lately,<br /><br />though it is time to let that insignificant world go and see the big large world out there that yearns and cries out for my help.<br /><br /><br />can you hear them screaming out for your arrival in the silence of the night?<br /><br />we don't have time.<br /><br /><br />when i was 4, <br /><br />i believed i was meant to help and do what i can to save the world and people,<br /><br />always have,<br /><br />it is my destiny, what i'm meant to do,<br /><br />i have so much time now.<br /><br />i think that is what i'm gonna do now before army.<br /><br />anyone who wants to join me in this,<br /><br />you are all welcome.