catch me a star

speak to the mind and body...

a good song does...

imma just gonna say...

i'm tired of people with no direction or hope for anything...

i'm tired of people who do not have a strive and hunger for life.

i'm tired of real crap like this shit.

when there is so so so much awesomeness and things that are happening or waiting to happen.

don't you people get it?

the world is waiting for us!

people like us!

to do something...

so why wait right?

do,

now, now, nowwwww...

it can only be done right now...

waiting is for the dreamless,

for the people who waste their precious years.


my gosh, i am so so happy that all this shit happened in my life,

that i touched the other side of doing shit... absolute shit.

so now i can enter the arena of the hungry and decisive...

we can do it and yes we can!

it takes the belief in yourself and other people.

don't bullshit...

and screw around doing jack shit to get over with school/work/crap.

because at the end of it...

what?

what's gonna happen?

somebody's gonna drop you a pot of gold rainbows and dreams?

no, fuck you!


nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

now...





have you ever thought...

that all of this...?




all of this?




it was just a little dream we were all dreaming?






that there is a bigger world out there?



come on beings, lives, individuals... let's run and run till we can't stop,

bacause there's no point in stopping anyway...


this is the breakline a presume...

the end of the chill, the end of the break.

the start of life.

the start of things to come...

you know i sometimes think it's quite crazy how we all write in these blogs,

online diaries...

not a bad thing: just crazy...

i miss so many people in my life, who at this point i don't think i know anymore...

what ever happened to the best times of our lives?

i guess everything now has been awesome as well,

just it's about time i start planning just slightly more than leaving things to fate.

you know fate fate fate...

i'm not sure it comes around too much or if it seriously exists...

maybe?

maybe not.

though right now,

it's the winding road,

a scrap book to tick off all the things i've done,

and my heart that beats "i am the walrus".

i'm taking us to the moon honey!

the line between creation and destruction is very thin...

i've got to accept the fact i may not produce brilliant pieces of work all the time...

that it's alright to fall and fail sometimes,

to be a student rather than lead myself always in sheer ignorance.

sometimes i feel like i'm going somewhere but no where.

though i have to stop it.

and geez i can't stand sleaze or sleazy people.

physical is one thing.

though it's more deprivation and alpha dominance conciousness that i'm just "blah" (don't give a damn) and somehow growing to just resent.


i'm damn bloody bored.

i needa come up with something exciting in my life now and do it..

the only person that can help myself is myself.

i'm gonna stride in my light.

i've always seen myself that way.

forget the past.

it does not exist anymore.

two days ago i messsed up.

though it's getting quite frustrating and confusing.

i've been getting violent when i get drunk.

it's not drunk where i'm concious, it's total black out.

i have no recollection what so ever.

if no one told me, i wouldn't believe.

plus what i become when i black out is the complete opposite of my usual self.

so in that case i want to say i that i'm absolutely sorry for everything,

though i did not do anything at all intentionally,

neither did i intend to get drunk.

well that's where i messed up.

.............................

well the shadow has been popping up lately in my cards.

so that's a clue.

the shadow is focusing on the dark,

where we also use that to avoid the light.

maybe that's it.

the point is i can't stand drama and all this crap,

obviously my other side does,

though yeah...

sigh.

sometimes i'm just asking the universe and god "why me?"

if you tell me to control myself, i would if i could you know what i mean?

i really wouldn't think of hurting anyone.

it's not like i believe it myself, it just happens.

anyway, i'm changing my out look and my whole lifestyle completely,

i need to find some sort of peace.

i've had enough of drama.

staying away from alcohol and my whole outlook on it,

anyway hey, alcohol is a drug anyway, it shouldn't be abused or used as a form of release.

the belief that being a musician is unattractive and tough in the long run is bullllshitss...

i've got all these beliefs and shit in my mind,

you know sometimes i forget why i choose to take big jumps into my music.

though i know again,

just why...

freedom, mental freedom and to really live.

though i've had a little taste of singapore's scene(which sucks donkey balls so far)

or i think???

maybe i haven't been getting out and onto stages enough?

well... the problemo with selling out is that after that, it's mightyly retarded to a point.

everyones going like, hey you gotta make dough...

ppl's mind sets in the music scene here are just kinda strange.

go on stage to wank off???

i don't know.

it's just this big wank off competition out there.

you know?

entertain the fucking crowd...

though what i want to do really,

is to show the crowd something.

show them another world and absorb them into it.

different, very different.

i vant to write, provoke and encourage,

not suck cock and lick fucking balls.

i think the world is full of shit...

if you think guys are full of shit...

then women are full of shit...

stadard lah.

i don't have to fight for myself,

i dont care...

i want you to understand that anyone else who plays beautiful music, is retarded...

and i will prove that to you...

no prob...

well that's not the prob,

the prob is,

getting a girl to belive i do what i do...

then again...

music = no soul partner...

no prob,

i just hope your banker husband is interesting,

besisides the stocks...

fuck you...

sigh...

i love that phrase...

:)

heart...

don't be fooled and entertain the mirage of an image,

slit open it's seemingly thick,  though thin silhouette,

and go straight to the heart,

though the heart is like a cat,

ever staying and fleeing,

and don't even bother to catch a cat if you know anything,

just be as beautiful as anything and call out to it softly,

connect, to it's being. look into it's eyes, and be sincere.

and throw away the whole thing if you feel,

for to tame the cat,

you must gain it's trust,

it's just simply one being connecting to another being,

just simply connecting without anything else,

for nothing at all,

to just connect,

which is why we must learn as well...

birds are meant to be free,

and i know this,

for i have wings too...

i'm just too bored to carry on the way i live life right now,

i like to learn about people,

though today i was dissapointed by myself,

though that doesn't matter,

i guess i want to start steering my life again,

and not leave it up to what's happening around me,

cause i can honestly say that i'm not excited by all that is,

it just sucks lah...

though i'm happy i did the whole club mad and party thing,

cause once upon a time,

i'd be embarrassed to talk about it,

cause i never even tried once upon a time...

made great friends,

i'm still gonna club mad,

though now not as frequent maybe?

i wanna focus on more important things,

and more important people,

i wanna be independent and totally grounded again...

i've been very quiet recently...

i need the silence,

just that everyone, even my best friends wanna party now,

ever since i went into the whole thing, hahah! crazy...

when the thing is...

the only reason i partied and went mad,

was because i was frustrated,

and wanted to prove a point,

not because i actually gave a care.

because i really don't...

i don't know,

i just need to deal with me and love me again,

i'm tired of giving out fake smiles,

i'm tired altogether,

i smile,

though...

i really just don't know,

and i don't want anyone to come in,

i just want to be alone.




i've always wanted to say this... heh


behind the smile is everything you will never understand...

we're all like little animals,

we silently observe each other,

in the back of our minds,

and we have this feeling in our chest,

do we stay or do we flee?

don't sit and wonder why the world is so small...

don't ever look at the sky and see it's vastness,

don't look at me and see a boy holding his life in his hands,

don't ever be afraid to run towards the ocean and dive into it's ever growing depth,

get lost in your intricate dreams of lies,



i venture out in the world to be understood,

i don't quite understand myself,

i just see this vacant stare in the mirror,

i collect earth from the ground,

and all it is, is dirt,

this coin,

it's just a piece of metal.

so be carried away in the wind,

and be led into the unknown,

for we do, we have dreams,

though we never know,

till we actually do it.

life isn't about the hardships, the tears and the sorrow.

it's about in spite of all the pain,

we keep pushing on no matter what,

because somehow it's worth it,

because of our dreams,

and the people we love.