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hello...

Sep. 29th, 2012 | 03:11 am
location: my room, on my new bench ;)
mood: nostalgicnostalgic
music: god - john lennon

life has a way of building things up,
and then immediately toppling your hopes, down to a very solid tarmac ground.
romantic affairs are a many strange thing.
when you make them your life,
it messes with the crucial parts of your brain, necessary to have rational thought.
this worries me, though i still ride, the crazy "disneyland" roller-coaster.
cause, maybe perhaps, for 5 seconds i can be happy, and share that happiness with someone else too.
i haven't written a post here, in i think, 2 years perhaps?
though i'm back here because i can't find "notes" on facebook (fucking facebook),
and this post is about this place.
i miss it,
caused i missed it.
though, it really doesn't matter; people miss it all the time: just don't miss it again.
life is a love affair, or not.

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...

Jun. 12th, 2011 | 07:47 am

i'm glad to say i've reached another pinnacle in life.
maybe some of the best days in my life i cannot describe.
all it took was believing in myself and my capabilities.
the mantra 'you can rely on me".
i may be quite in love eventhough i dont want to?
cause hurt is right around the corner?
you know, though i guess i'll ride it.
you dont own anything,
and you don't have the universe in your palm for real.
though what i wish to say in my most sacred space is that i love everyone of you.
you dont know the love,
and you dont know the craziness.
i wish i could be in this week and moment forever.
though i know it may go shit along the days ahead.
anyway i say go for it: do it.
aim for love and aim for the impossible.
so do it and be happy cause nothing really matters.
though when you live and strive,
life becomes that much better.
Tags:

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Apr. 3rd, 2011 | 07:02 am

i try so hard to be free,
but the rubber band always pulls me back.
and theres nothing i can do.
i want to say and show i love you.
but i try and i try inside me mind,
but you cant seem to get my message,
facebook has taken over,
and my psychic has failed.
i am bed ridde useless,
in love and out of it.
i'm insane and i hope you don't refuse me atleast.
bye bye,
cause i do have to go.
it sucks oh it sucks.
i may do so well,
but it sucks to say goodbye each time.
to nothing but freedom.

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Mar. 27th, 2011 | 06:30 am

i'm no simple man,

never been.

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...

Mar. 27th, 2011 | 06:13 am

to leave your home and never look back...

the sight of grief.

the sound of wanting a word.

there's no escape in the face of a jaw.

there is no esca[e in the gripping.

i'll become the best.

i'll become me.

myself.

honesty,

truthfulness,

and the lack of protecting myself.

army is a life changer i guess...

if you want it to be.

you either escape everything,

or you go all the way,

and get mind fucked again and again,

untill you realize youre already dead.

i'm dead.

and i want to be.

i want to live another life.

i want to destroy my longing.

transform myself into my real true strong self.

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Mar. 19th, 2011 | 08:29 am

the field,

the field of tall grass: it seems so vacant.

just a little whisper of the wind,

to know that it's just my body and the deep blue sky that made me insane.

where is the orange pink streaky sunset over the east coast break water?

where is my heart that felt so full?

my ache it grows bigger with every taste of reality.

i feel alone.

and i guess...

there's not much i can do,

but just do what i'm supposed to.

i want to sleep.

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Mar. 13th, 2011 | 06:55 am

i wanna say there is nothing that will deter me from the mission.

i wanna say that there will be nothing and zero.

life without sex,

which means paster like ways.

a life when when we mean what we mean; we mean what we mean.

i wanna take a dip in a pool for a few seconds,

for i know it'll be the few last seconds i have of comfort,

for from now,

we work to destroy every thought in the capitalist mind,

we create music to influence and divulge into the unknown.

capitalism is destroying the world. amen.

so what now????

what now???

tell me.

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Feb. 27th, 2011 | 03:50 pm

your stuck with the inner linings of your tank,

and your trying to bang your hands through,

your in the bellowing of your own twisted mind,

and the night's air seems carry on through.

your life seems to be a locked up mess,

and your face seems to disintegrate into the nothingness.

i guess you must find the heart within the tussle.

you must find your love.

your own love.

and believe.

invisible man.

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vaguely, really & assumption.

Feb. 6th, 2011 | 01:58 pm

what's the point?

you don't even know my name.

there's a silence between the images in our minds,

and the words that come out of your mouth slowly distorts my mind.

tiny glimpses: oozing light,

they shed and smash the most intimidating and dense body armour.

it all falls and clatters around the ground like a million mirrors, to cut feet and penetrate slippers.

we're really strangers, we don't know what we're both trully saying. for behind the lines and always behind the lines, someone is lying there watching the eyes.

we're floating in a vacuum, thinking we're flying, though we really can't seem to touch the ground.

really and maybe,

though see it and hear it.

if i knew, and you knew, and we said. though all of that's in a fading darkness of a sunset that we couldve sat through. vague: everyone dies in the end.

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Jan. 10th, 2011 | 11:58 am

i have a deep void in my diaphragm,

and no matter where i run towards,

i'm going in circles.

i feel alone despite the cheering crowds.

i'm trying to figure out what it really is,

and whether alcohol can fill it up like cement?

we are all men now,

though why is it i don't know where i'm going,

and i sigh into and out of my bed each time i collapse on my bed.

a journey through my mind's netting,

ripping each cob web from end to end.

i guess it's not what i've done wrong,

but what i haven't.

when have i stood up against the world,

against my norms,

against the things i don't stand for,

and tossed the lies out the hotel window?

it's about time i let my heart speak and my feet walk.

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